I Miss
by consulting-slytherdor
Summary: Harry visits his husband Severus' grave to talk and remember after the Potions Master was killed in the Final Battle.


Summary: One-shot, AU, takes place at the end and after Harry finishes his 7th year at Hogwarts.

Harry visits Severus' grave to talk with him after he was killed in the Final Battle

Warnings: Major Character Death

I Miss…

I miss your voice. That's what I'm afraid of the most; that someday, somehow, I will somehow forget the way that your voice sounds, that it'll eventually fade away from me until I can no longer recall the exact tone of your unique speech. I miss the things that you've said to me, jesting even though the cutting words hid your teasing from everybody else. The way that you used to laugh and smile when it was just the two of us in the evenings in front of the fire, curled up on the couch together. The way that you gave voice to what you felt for me inside of your heart; it was the best sound in my world when I heard the way that you sounded when you told me that you loved me, like nothing else that I had ever heard from you.

Late at night, in your dungeons, I lie in our bed and try to imagine that you're still here. But no matter how much I pretend, I can never again be within the strong, protective embrace, encircled within your arms while I slept against your chest, drawing nonsensical shapes along your hands and arms with my fingers. I remember turning over in the night and somehow managing to weave my hands around your neck while tucking my face between your neck and shoulder, just soaking up the scent of you. Then I would lean back and look at your face to take in the peaceful, relaxed state that your face transformed into only during sleep, and sometimes your eyes would be open and I'd begin to lose myself in that dark gaze, the rest of the world falling away until all that there was, the only thing that mattered, or that would ever matter, was the two of us. You'd start to rub light circles up and down my back then, and we'd cherish the moments that allowed us to at least pretend that we were normal people leading normal lives in a time that made sense and hope that one day we could be just us, in a house somewhere that only those closest to us knew about, just being together for the rest of time, or at the very least for the rest of our days. Everybody had already done so much for the war effort, more than anybody should ever have to do, and we all deserved to relax and do whatever we wanted for the rest of our lives.

I should have known that real life wasn't really like that, not for anybody. But I still can't believe that things played out this way. Even though I wish with all of my being that the circumstances could have been different, now I am infinitely grateful that you suggested it; the only part that I did not like was the underlying cause behind it because I did not want to even consider the possibility of it happening. I didn't enjoy disturbing Dumbledore, though he seemed grateful for the distraction, and even though he was saddened because he knew the risks that had driven us to his quarters when we arrived, he was happy that we had found each other. I was glad that we only needed one witness, and that the person officiating could also serve as witness, because Ron and Hermione deserved as much time that they could get to themselves, along with everybody else.

_3__rd__ Person POV_

It was a simple ceremony, the standard words, the only deviation being the vows that they shared with each other, a couple of simple rings with their names, the date, and _Forever in Love_ inscribed on the inside. They alternatively slipped the symbol of their love onto the other's left ring finger and sealed the ceremony with a sweet, tender kiss that spoke of affectionate and gentle love. That was the day before the battle on the grounds of historic Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Albus had wished them luck and happy lives and gave them both his love before they departed towards the Potions Master's quarters to prepare before the coming storm. They did as much as they could in the following five hours to ready themselves to what was coming. They went over the battle plans and attacks that they wished to use against Voldemort and his army of Death Eaters and the contingency strategies that they had in their arsenal. When they finished prepping for what would decide the future of the Wizarding World, they finally turned to face each other.

_Harry's POV_

I remember winding my arms around your neckand leaning against you before stealing a quick kiss. You leaned back before we could lose ourselves in each other and you whispered "This is our wedding night" and I told you that this could be like our mini honeymoon until all the craziness, and fear and sleepless nights and the doubt that had taken up residence in the pit of our stomachs, somewhere in our chest, and always lingering there in our thoughts, was over and we could take a proper vacation wherever we wanted, just the two of us. Satisfied with that response, you resumed our kiss and we stood in our own little paradise in the middle of our living room before we started making our way to the bedroom. We stilled just in the doorway for a few minutes, knowing that even though we just had the night; it was still early.

You guided me until the back of my legs hit the end of the bed and I clung to you as I leaned back. You moved down to start worshipping my neck and I started to run my hands through your hair and lock my hands together at the back of your neck. I flipped us over and moved so that I could gain access to your neck while my hands moved down to work on your numerous buttons. I left your neck and started to plant soft kisses onto the patches of flesh on your chest that had been revealed just moments before. I finally got to the bottom and you helpfully sat up so that I could maneuver the robe off you. Since I was already at the foot of the bed, I took the time to divest us of our shoes and socks before moving on to getting rid of your usual black slacks and boxers in one go. Finally free from outside garments, I took a moment to take in the picture that you presented before leaning down for a divine kiss.

I journeyed down your torso again until I rested just inches from your fully hard cock. I took a moment to make sure that I'd remember every detail possible with my sense of sight before looking up your body to see you gazing down at me, promising myself that I would never forget this moment, this feeling, of being in bed with you, my first and only possible love. The moment stretched out but eventually ended when I started to move again; I planned to memorize the feel of you in my mouth, every ridge and curve, the taste and smell of you that I had quickly come to adore; just like I had memorized every other part of you, your broad shoulders, elegant hands, muscled back, just like I knew you would do to me. To tease you I licked your entire length twice before taking you whole. I bobbed up and down a few times before relinquishing you the cruel, freezing cold dungeon air. I paused to chuckle at your gasp upon being released before I took your head between my lips prior to drawing it further into the wet heat of my mouth while using both of my hands to stroke the rest of you at the same time. You moaned and shallowly tried to thrust forward. I moved my hands and put them in place on either of your hips to restrict your ability to shift. I drew the tip of my tongue across your slit and then took you as far down as my throat could allow and after you were in place I swallowed lightly before I hummed loudly. Your fists tangled in the sheets a split second before you came in my mouth and screamed "HARRY!" into the deserted quarters. I swallowed down each precious strand, seemingly endless, reverently before thoroughly cleaning you off and moving back into position on top of you and joined our mouths together. We stayed like that for a few minutes before my tongue came out to trace your bottom lip. You let me lick both upper and lower lip for a time before granting me passage, knowing as you always do that that was what I really wanted. When I was finally done, my tongue invaded the cavern of your mouth and enthusiastically surged forward to meet yours. They tangled together and then you guided the joined mass back into my mouth. We kept on in that way for a while before I started making my way once more down your body.

I grinned lightly up at you before I pushed your legs back until your knees touched your chest. I got the oil that you always made for us from the jar in the beside table drawer and slicked my fingers with a generous amount before pushing my right index finger past the ring of muscle. After a few moments I added another finger and scissored them inside of you before adding a third, and last, finger. You didn't really say anything, not with words, but I could tell that you were ready for more. I carefully slid the majority of my hand out if you and dropped a kiss before liberally coating every inch of my cock with the lubricant. I went back up to share another lingering kiss with you before resuming my position and gently guiding my cock to your entrance. I couldn't resist stealing more kisses from you again and I penetrated you for the first time with you as my husband. Our kisses started out as the standard, toe curling, soul touching kisses that we shared numerous times a day, but as I increased the intensity and frequency of my thrusts, our kisses grew more wild, more frenzied. Somewhere in the middle of the mind-blowing snogging, my hands trekked down your chest, briefly twisting both of your nipples, making you let loose a sound in my mouth. My hands continued on their way, but the groan I received from you from that brief touch inspired me to abandon your lips so that I could kiss my way down your neck and upper chest to begin to suck on your left nipple until it was a hard nub in my mouth. With a parting lick, and a longer lick to make a visible trail of my path between your nipples, I repeated the process on your right side.

All the while, my hands had finally reached their intended destination. There was a drop of precome on your tip and I spread it out from the middle with the tip of a finger. With that, I began to run the back of my hand up and down your shaft teasingly and you began to thrust while pushing down at the same time that I drove up. I acquiesced to your unspoken plea and I gripped your cock more firmly. It only took a few more thrusts before I was spurting into you while screaming your name and with a mild tug I was followed into bliss. I stayed where I was for a while enjoying the moment before I carefully pulled out my spent member.

I placed a kiss on your tip before moving up to devour the cloudy white rivulets that had landed on your abdomen. I took the skin of your neck to worry and suck between my teeth until I left an already coloring, purplish mark and kissed it before moving up to my main destination. You ran your tongue over every part of my mouth you could reach, finding the essence of you that still remained there, and it seemed that my hands had a will of their own as they resumed brushing through the dark strands.

You were content with that for a while, before deciding it was now your turn and picking me up so that we could switch positions. You recommenced with kissing me and our tongues played with each other inside of your mouth. You placed my hands on either side of my head and your hand started to twist my ring, the symbol of our love for each other. You paused for a bit to nibble on my neck before moving onto my chest and eventually dipping your tongue into my belly button and swirling it around. Fondling my balls came next, though it wasn't long before you gave that endeavor up so that you could proceed to my recovered cock. You remained there for a second, your soft black gaze following the outline; doing what I had done earlier, trying to memorize every detail, every moment of this whimsical night. Your tongue started below the base, moving up from the top of my sac to lick all the way to my tip, consuming the liquid that had begun to gather there.

When you swallowed me whole I bucked up into your mouth without conscious thought and my hands moved to claw your back. Your tongue swirled all around and your hands dropped lower to touch the skin between balls and my hole. A few more sucks and my release was disappearing down your throat. When my orgasm was over, you let my member fall from between your lips and you began to nip and kiss your way up until you got to one of my ears. You traced the outer shell before darting inside. A moan seemed to bring you back to awareness and you sealed your lips with mine in a searing kiss. The sudden bobbing of a very solid piece of flesh on my stomach that left a sticky puddle demanded attention and I moved to make a gap to help you gain easier access when your mouth finally left mine in favor of moving down between my legs.

A kiss was dropped on the puckered circle and then a tongue took its place, moving past the wall of muscle and beginning to fuck my entrance. It was soon joined by a finger and after several more motions I was soon left empty. Before the whimper of loss could be pulled from me, I felt a blunt tip take the place of the lost fingers. My moan of loss became one of pleasure as you leaned forward to brace yourself on your forearms that were just touching my sides. A kiss was dropped directly onto the scar that separated me from everybody else and butterfly kisses were placed all over my face. With minimal force from you, the tip of your cock slid past my aperture into warm, welcoming heat; you slid home_. _

Your hand pumped my sex to help bring me to completion while you slammed into me and as my walls contracted around you, you let go and spurted into my eager heat. With one last desperate kiss you fell, boneless, onto my chest to collect yourself for a moment. After our breathing reverted back to somewhat normal, you climbed back up to kiss me at a more leisurely pace than previously and we rolled to lie on our sides to be able to kiss for a longer period of time while still being comfortable. My hands kept running up and down your face and your hands did the same to my back, though I could tell you were trying to make your caresses ticklish. Your penis was still inside of me and the one time that you tried to pull out, just after we had gone to our sides, I clenched around you so that you would stay. You seemed to want the same- some sort of connection, the ability to have our bodies connected everywhere that was possible-but you didn't want me to be uncomfortable if I didn't have to be. We settled down after that, your arms wrapped around my back with my head tucked under your chin. I moved so that my lips were slowly inching a trail up, until our lips connected for the last time that night (because they never separated after my forehead dropped forward to rest on yours as we drifted into sleep after minutes had passed, or it could have been hours).

We woke up a few hours later, still wrapped around each other. With a quick 'Tempus Revelo' spell we discovered that it was still early, about five a.m. We had some time left to ourselves, people were supposed to begin gathering in the Great Hall at seven. We turned so that I could rest on top of your chest and we started to kiss with the knowledge that we would have to be among other people, have different jobs during the course of the fight, but mostly aware that we would have to be separated, clothed once more, and not able to really touch each other.

The effects of the stimulating kiss was soon blatantly obvious when I started to feel you slowly hardening inside of me until you were at full mast and I was achingly full. I moaned gently into your mouth and we enjoyed ourselves as was our marital right for the time that we had left to ourselves before we had to leave our bed- something that was more than just a bed to us, it was a haven- to gear up in our battle wear and head out to prep with the others in what someone nicknamed 'Battle Central'.

Dumbledore intercepted me upon our arrival and we stayed with our hands clasped to each other. The conversation lasted only a few minutes before it was time for the three of us to go our separate ways and we proceeded further into the Hall to greet Hermione and the Weasleys. Everyone was there, even Bill all the way from Romania with his dragons and Ginny even though she was still a sixth year. Hugs were passed all around and Mrs. Weasley embraced everybody twice before the large group parted so that we could stand with our significant other: Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ron and Hermione, Bill and Fleur, Percy and Penelope, Ginny and Dean, Charlie and his boyfriend Jake, and, of course, the two of us. We drifted apart a bit, together but able to afford some privacy.

I turned around to look up into your countenance. Your gaze met mine and even with the battle's imminent arrival you still effected me like you usually do and it seemed like the experience was mutual. You smiled down at me-a real smile, I hadn't seen a smirk from you in years-and I reciprocated. You made a slow descent and I stood on my tiptoes to meet you halfway. Time seemed to slow as our lips collided and I wound my hands around your neck. Our bodies molded perfectly and the noise filling the Great Hall faded away until all I could hear was our breathing.

The kiss lasted an eternity but we gradually returned to our senses and took notice of the commotion taking place around us. It seemed that the enemy army had turned up as close to the castle as the unparalleled wards would allow. We shared one lasting kiss before leaning back and grasping our hands in concert. I sighed as we advanced towards our goal, the giant golden doors looming ahead of us. The crowd parted before us and before long we were at the head. Aurors were interspersed with civilian fighters; the Ministry had finally seen the error in their ways and got rid of all the spies within the organization that answered to Voldemort. Fawkes landed on my shoulder in a burst of flames and softly trilled.

We moved out as a united group until we reached the front lawn. The Aurors moved to the front and began firing off curses and hexes towards the Death Eaters while they were still in the process of trying to dismantle the wards. It wasn't the most ethical thing to do, but considering what the other side hoped to accomplish, soon all of us were following their example. It proved to be the smart thing to do because within a matter of minutes a third of the awaiting forces were incapacitated. The protection couldn't last forever, though they put up one hell of an impressive fight. The Dark Forces began to march forward and we were smart enough to wait for them to get to us instead of foolishly surging forward to meet them. We were able to pick of about half of the remaining forces before we were forced into the fray.

We stayed together for as long as we possibly could, some might say a tad too longed, but with the Dark Lord so close I thought it would be better for you not to be in close proximity to me. You went out to deal with the residual Death Eaters and I headed down the path that would land me in front of Riddle. I tried to keep track of you but that wasn't possible until after I had delivered the final death blow to Undesirable #1. I spun around in all directions till concluding that my hasty initial search was not enough. I chose a random direction and took off at a jog. Even though there were only about thirty Death Eaters left over from the first two sweeps to weaken their force, our side still had about a dozen causalities. It seemed as though Tom and I were situated in the middle of the conflict, somehow shielded from any outside influences. There were bodies strewn over the grounds, both people who had fought on the dark side and those that had fought for the light side. I couldn't put names to the faces that belonged to those we had lost but I knew them as a few parents of students, three Aurors, and a seventh year Hufflepuff that was in my Charms class. The people who survived were wandering around, searching for loved ones, clutching them when they reunited and grieving over the bodies of those they lost.

An unusual amount of people seemed to be hovering about the same spot, but it seemed as though there was clear space for twenty feet. I couldn't see what was waiting between the middle so I went to investigate, hoping that I'd also be able to find you somewhere near there too. The Weasleys seemed to be close and they collectively looked up as I passed by; Hermione had begun to cry. I continued on my way but slowed as my path to the final destination was blocked. Soon I too paused in my step, looking ahead to see a lump of black lying on the ground. My heart leapt into my throat and even though the last thing that I wanted to do was continue towards what I didn't want to believe was you, I did. I crouched down and reached out a shaking hand. I gently turned the as-of-yet still unidentified body over so that I could see the face even though I knew who it was long before I even saw the long black strands. Your face's last expression wasn't exactly peaceful, but it was pained. I folded your hands on top of your stomach, tucked your hair behind your ear, and left an excruciatingly drawn out kiss on your forehead. Your eyes had been open and my tears finally spilled over as I closed them for the last time. I couldn't stop them, wouldn't want to; as they were a visible sigh of my grief, a way to let my sadness empty out from me a bit. I moved forward until my face was buried in your neck, but only cried harder when your hands did not come up to grip the back of my head and turn me so that we could share a kiss.

I was given some time but eventually Hermione knelt down next to me and tried to untangle my fingers from where they had moved to rest on your neck; after a moment I let her succeed. She held me in her arms and pulled us into a standing position. They attempted to get me to leave, saying that you'd be brought into the Hall by Hagrid. I wouldn't have agreed to it even if there weren't still dozens of bodies waiting on the grass; I would never leave you alone. With a strength that would later be passed off as adrenaline, I lifted your body to lie comfortably in my arms and began to make my way to the Great Hall with the remains of my family. What we came across seemed to be jointly a celebration and a somber place for grieving. People were rejoicing with those they feared they might lose but didn't and others were mourning the loss of friends and family.

I claimed a spot in the upper right corner of the large room and my surrogate family stayed at the table separating mine from everybody else. I tenderly laid you down so that you were stretched out onto the bench, your head resting in my lap. Nobody dared to approach me but even though night had long since fallen I didn't want to have to stop running my hands through your hair. Eventually the Headmaster approached where I camped out. He wanted me to let you go so that you could join the other bodies that were waiting until someone from Diagon Alley arrived to get them ready for the funeral services that were going to be held at the start of the week, in thirty one hours. When you, my husband and soul mate, were levitated away from me the tears that had finally stopped came pouring out once more.

With no more reason to remain in the temporary battle central, I started on the lengthy trip back to Slytherin territory. I discovered that the place was exactly how we had left it when I entered the bedroom. It seemed as though the elves were too busy with their part in the war and had yet to come to the dungeons. I found that I liked having it precisely like that and cast a preserving charm on the bed before moving back out to the sitting room and summoned Dobby. He materialized in front of me and seemed to understand the desire of not wanting House Elves to be roaming around my now very lonely space. My meals might occasionally be taken down here, but I would send the silverware back to the kitchens myself. Dobby seemed happy when I told him I'd visit the kitchens every once in a while and he disappeared with an exclamation of "See you soon Master Harry!" I chuckled a bit before returning to the last place we had experienced happiness. With a sigh and a longing glance I transfigured a tissue I brought in from the bathroom into a bed and a few more added blankets and a pillow. I settled down, wishing the last few hours could have been a dream and that in reality we walked down here together and started to celebrate our victory together. With the way things had unfolded after we left our safe haven this morning, it didn't feel much like a victory to me at all.

The days that followed are a blur to me. They held funerals on Monday; classes were cancelled for the rest of the year, summer arriving sooner than usual, sooner than I would have liked, classes are very good distractions. I learned that you died protecting a bunch of upper year students, including Ginny and Hermione. It was a comforting thought though I wish that it wasn't necessary. The next day everyone that hadn't done so already departed aboard the Hogwarts Express. Hermione went back with her parents in the Muggle world for a bit of a break and Ron and Ginny had already gone back to the Burrow with the rest of the Weasleys after the memorials were over. Albus, as he asks me to call him, allowed me to remain here at Hogwarts; I think it's partly due to compassion and another out of fear of what I might do should I not be able to retain some connection to you, which I get by living in your dungeons.

The Dursleys were required to come here, though how Professor Dumbledore enabled them to be able to see the castle, let alone convinced them to step foot inside, is something that I couldn't figure out. I ran into them on my way to the library after a visit and a snack from Dobby in the Kitchens. I was planning to go through some Potions books that I know you enjoyed from the library. Dumbledore offered me a teaching position so that I don't really have to ever leave school anymore. I know you would not approve, but starting next term I will be taking over as Potions Master. I know that I wasn't exactly what anyone, especially you, would call a model student but that is the driving motivation behind all the research I'm doing now. Well that and the fact that it fills time, and anything that fills time allows me to not focus on what I should be spending this summer on, _where_ I should be spending this long-deserved vacation. I should be using this leisure time to be on my honeymoon with my husband. I buried you when I should have been somewhere remote enjoying the time as a new married couple with you.

The Dursleys weren't all that pleased with the fact that they "had to come all this way to a school for Freaks, just to be told and consent to the fact that you are gone from our doorstep for good" and how it was "about time too". I just stood there, twisting my ring. You still wear yours; while there was some part of me that wanted to hold onto it I knew that you had to keep it, to show that we once planned to be together forever. I left my blood relatives to their ranting and continued on to my intended destination where I selected a handful of books to return to the bowels of the castle with.

_3__rd__ Person_

Harry leaned his head back to rest against the trunk of a tree sitting in front of Sev's headstone. Reminiscing was nice and all, and it helped, but it wouldn't bring him back, and sometimes it hurts afterwards because you're happy in memories and then you come back to yourself and you're alone again. The Final Battle had been fought a month ago and it never got easier, the feeling of loss never lessened. Harry sighed and moved so that he was lying on top of Severus' last resting place, only a few feet of earth preventing him from lying atop his husband's chest, like he did that last night and morning. It seemed like it was an era ago; and it was because an era ended that day as a new one, one of freedom and no fear pressing down on you, took its place. As Harry fell into a troubled sleep filled with snapshot-like images from a life that felt so far away he wondered how may eternities it would be before he was once again united with his love.


End file.
